Beauty and the "Beast"

The Cabral Fest is a family reunion that we attend every year. It is the only party that I attend that begins at 9 pm. This is late for an ole’ country girl like me! I don’t know if I will ever get used to parties that begin at this time.  Dinner is served at around 12:30 in the morning! I probably will never get used to the loud Brazilian music that comes with this party either! However, it is wonderful to see such a huge family get together to talk, dance, and enjoy each other’s company.

Cabral Fest 2011

 Now, from past experience, I know that I must pack a nice dress and shoes for this party. I go through the same ritual every year to get ready. Makeup and hair are prepared and the dress is ironed and put on with the final touch of some kind of jewelry. This year was no different. So, I am ready and feeling quite pretty, I must say, when the blow comes!

I walk my stylish, high heels into the living room to leave with my husband. I’m feeling good and confident! This is when the comment comes. This is the comment that no girl wants to hear! “Hmmm, she has gained some weight, hasn’t she?” I hear one word in slow motion, “gordinha.”  If this isn’t enough, the comment is repeated. “She has gained some weight hasn’t she?” “Gordinha, Gordinha, Gordinha.” The word echoes in my head. I turn toward my husband’s blank expression. “What is she saying?” I ask. He doesn’t respond, but I don’t need a response. If there is one word in Portuguese that I will understand in this context it is this!

I slowly walk out of the door and repeatedly ask my husband the same question. “What did she say?”
“Well,” he stumbles for the right answer. “You have gotten a little bigger,” he says. I have nothing to say in response. I just look down and my shoulders droop. My confidence balloon pops in an instant!

This is a dramatized version of an actual event that happened to me last Friday night, and this is the event that inspired me to ponder the concept of “beauty” on a deeper level.

My mother has always said to me, “pretty is as pretty does.” I grew up hearing this all of the time, especially when I was being “ugly.” However,  did I really believe this? I know that I didn’t always live by this rule. Or should I say, I have been “ugly” on many occasions in my life. I do think that this is a grand rule; however, I have come to the harsh realization that the societies we live in don’t necessarily follow rules.

There are beauty icons in both cultures that I have been a part of. I never hear anything about how they act in their daily lives, and this doesn’t affect the fact that they are viewed as being beautiful.  People are viewed as being beautiful because of their physical appearances alone according to the media, Hollywood, and many people like myself. The harsh reality about this is that many people spend a large amount of their time trying to live up to unrealistic expectations. This “beast” can drive both men and woman to an unhealthy obsession with outward appearance.

I know that the “beast” has affected me in many ways, but the one I will focus in on is the issue with my physical size. Yes, I have gained weight since I got married. I am openly admitting it to the world. Not that I needed to. It is quite obvious.  Do I feel that this is a topic that anyone needs to comment on? No. However, it is the truth. Is this a bad thing? Yes, in the world’s eyes, it is. However, it really isn’t all that bad to me (I‘m trying to believe). The times in my life that  I have been a little “gordinha” have been the times that I have been enjoying life and feeling happy. So, judging from my size, I have a happy marriage and I am enjoying it.

I am not at all excusing the fact that my health is very important. Anyone that knows me knows that I am trying to live a healthy lifestyle. However, it is time to  walk tall with my head high no matter who says that I am a little “gordinha.” My focus should not be on my physical appearance. Instead it should be on my inner appearance.  I want to be kind and loving to everyone I meet. I want to be beautiful in ways that matter. I want to be happy and confident no matter what I am wearing, how high my heels are, the shade of my lipstick , or the shape that I am. So, “pretty is as pretty does.” Amen!